E-Portfolio Writing: My Camp Experience

Describe It - Camp Experiences

Learning Objectives:

Level 3

• Select, form, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts, using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show a developing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Level 4.

• Select, develop, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts. Using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Learning goals:

• To ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ the reader by painting a picture with words.
• A variety of sentence starters
• A variety of sentence lengths
• Edit and rework
• Effective peer checking and feedback

                                                      The Tree Climb

As everyone watches me climb higher up into the old pine cone tree.As I get higher up in the tree branches get thinner and thinner it gets to grab hold of .As the cold wind blows it gets colder and harder to keep my balance. 

As the wind gets stronger it  gets  harder to stay balanced on the one branch is the thinnest and that needs to hold my body weight. The branch started to cracks as I catch my breath from climbing fast.

Before the branch snapped under neath me I lost my balance and fell. But the roup  was really tight so that I din't hurt myself.If I fell on the ground

( use different sentences beginnings and lengths ) 
I showed my writing by  using different sentences beginnings and lengths  

In my writing, one of my goals is ( Use phonics and words study knowledge to help spelling difficult words) 

I did't show this goal here because it is Listen to and act on
feedback from others.

My next step is to work faster 

Teacher Comment: Mikeila, your writing is improving all the time. Sounds like camp was super fun! You've tried to describe the tree climb and how you were feeling. Your next step is to check your work and rework it, making sure you don't repeat words (like "as").